INT. MY CLOSET – EVERY MORNING OF MY LIFE
EMILY
I hate everything. All of my clothes suck.
Emily puts on the same thing she wears every day (black turtleneck and jeans, regardless of season) and glumly goes to work.
INT. MY CLOSET – A RECENT SATURDAY
EMILY
I hate everything. All of my clothes suck.
STEPHANIE
Wait. Stop. Will you try on this dress with these shoes?
Emily has not worn that dress or those shoes in 11 years, but she complies. Regards herself in the mirror.
EMILY
(stunned)
I love this. How did you do that?
STEPHANIE
(pleased, but still intensely focused)
Will you try these jeans with these sandals and this top?
Emily looks at this super cute outfit in the mirror WHICH SHE HAS OWNED ALL ALONG and almost bursts into tears. It is SO cute.
STEPHANIE
You should have this blazer tailored. It would look cuter if it were five inches shorter.
EMILY
I literally never, ever, ever thought of that. You’re right!
STEPHANIE
Also, you should be wearing all of your jewelry, all the time.
EMILY
I should. Why do I let it just sit in here? My grandmother would be so pleased if I wore this insane ring she bought on a cruise to Turkey in 1967 with jeans and a t-shirt.
STEPHANIE
It is all about accessorizing creatively. For instance, you have a huge box of your mom’s vintage silk scarves that you can tie around your ponytail and now you look like Alicia Vikander on holiday. Now, I am going to take away this huge trash bag of shapeless Target cardigans that you probably should never have bought in the first place and donate it to Goodwill.
EMILY
Good bye, cardigans. Thank you for your service!
GOODWILL
Thank you for the cardigans! Here is a form for your taxes that you can simply forward to your accountant.
GO-TO BLACK TURTLENECK
So, am I canceled then?
STEPHANIE
Relax, Turtleneck. I am not here to replace everything. I am here to elevate what Emily already owns and show her that she CAN wear fun outfits. Here are a bunch of pictures I took of outfits and all the shoes that would go with them. And here is a list of things you can buy on your own from local stores and designers that have interesting, beautiful things that you would never have found because you only shop at Old Navy on your phone. And you can email me pictures of anything you think you might buy and I will tell you nay or yay.
Emily weeps with gratitude.
FIN.
– Emily Fox, television writer (Hindsight, Girlfriends’ Guide To Divorce)
